There is a lesson to learn from any challenging day. For example, anytime we come out of a conversation feeling upset, we might want to ask ourselves why. Have we been triggered and what can we learn from that? Has it caused a conflict with our personal morals, ethics and principles we live by? And then we can choose how we want to respond versus react to the circumstance or challenge of that conversation. There is a unique gift in every little word we have heard or spoken or thought, each builds on who we are. So every interaction is an opportunity to explore who we are and what our values, beliefs, and principles are. Those things guide us in life and it’s not a bad idea to get to know them. That way we aren’t confused when we come away from a conversation that annoys us. Find out why and learn from that.
Continuing on the subject of activation when around free range humans on the loose, I’d like to mention the people with the big egos irritate me. Why? Part of it is an ethical reason. I can’t say I would publicly insult a stranger on facebook to make myself feel like I’m enough. Especially concerning was a recent post I received that insulted my education and motives for writing a 5 word response to an ad. The person who text me was a psychologist who was bent on puking his awesomeness all over my character like he was omnipotent. Can you imagine what it’s like to live in the head of such a Critic? So what’s my charge? What can I learn from this about myself?
My charge has gone back to when I was in school and family and friends questioned my intelligence. So I spent 8 years in post secondary education to prove I was enough. As a woman in genetics studies, at the time, classes were mainly male. I learned to stay on the deans list so I could be seen as a smart credible scientific researcher. I was in the science field to impress my family. It never worked because the problem wasn’t mine. Their opinion of me had to do with what was going on between their ears. My problem was that I gave up 8 years of my life doing something I found boring. I didn’t care how brilliant I was. It brought little meaning and significance to my life, even studying cancer. In the lab everyone were so analytical. Some even had rainbows and unicorns coming out their butts. I wanted more fun and connections with people. I ended my career in science and became an entrepreneur. I have never looked back. Somehow the old story of not being good enough intellectually was attacked again in this latest online one sided conversation. Now I’m thinking, what do I have to prove to some random ego tripper that I’m smart? They know nothing about me and I know little of them. Yet to insult another gentle soul and profess to be a psychologist seems immoral and unethical. I know I don’t need to be right because I’m just fine the way I am. Whether I know what this psychologist knows is irrelevant. I’m still loveable and deserve respect. However, I don’t feel a need to demand it. My frame of reference is internal not external based. Society has little influence on me because they don’t have the context of my life and what makes me tick. They don’t understand my feelings because they aren’t me. This person obviously doesn’t know how to connect with real people. I’m still shocked about their behaviour. I have to admit I’m a bit amused too. But I’m grateful for the opportunity to confront and examine the tension as I seek resolution to this old story. I didn’t realize I’m still attached to it. I can’t imagine anymore what it was like to live in my head. I do wonder what it must be like living in that rude psychologists head. Who knows! One thing I’ve learned as a life coach is that it doesn’t matter our profession, people still suffer from being human with imperfections. Its one thing to have oodles of knowledge but not a sense of how to integrate it into their own lives. Psychologists are human too. In fact one of those young psychologists in the making is my daughter. However, she may be learning a lot – But she doesn’t analyze people without their permission and rapport. That know it all psychologist that verbally puked all over me, didn’t have either of those necessities. So that’s a lesson for me of what not to do. I won’t give advice to people without their permission or without connection and caring. And I’m going to think about this need to prove my intellectual value to irrelevant people. One thing I learned through my divorces is that the world doesn’t revolve around the opinions of abusers who don’t even like themselves. And why should I sit here blogging while that person is off going skippety doo dah and having fun tooting their horns for themself. Yes they may be school smart. But even psychologists have a life that can interfere with clarity. Even Einstein was a dead beat father. So now that I’ve processed it, I am going to go to sleep and then back to painting my picture tomorrow (that I let get disrupted by that free range human on the rampage.