You may ask yourself, how can I make changes when it feels so awkward and unattainable? Its natural at the beginning for change to feel “out of place” within. Your beliefs and values may keep you opposed to even seeking change. But the truth is, the fundamentals in your life (and principles) that you live by, may have served you up until now. However, they may have kept you stuck and its time to make a change in your course of action and direction. Its time to make some decisions that will allow you to dream again. Unless of course, you wish to stay stuck and feel like an imposter in your life, not living up to your full potential.
MOVEMENT MEANS CHANGING BELIEFS IN THE BASIC FUNDAMENTALS THAT HOLD YOU CAPTIVE
You can create movement in your life only by changing the fundamentals and principles that you live by. However, change requires being ready and willing to take action and do the work.
You need to be willing to let go of old dusty principles and beliefs. These “go to” habits have been your way of life, but it hasn’t help you live with joy and fulfillment. These habits have only left you living in a sea of complacency and ambiguity, about how to make the changes in order to take care of yourself. Part of nurturing yourself will involve releasing patterns and the mental habits that keep you stuck and from reaching the wisdom within.
THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
When we are standing at the threshold of deciding that we want to change, there is a fear of the unknown when we don’t know what lies ahead. You may fear how it will affect your relationships for instance. You wonder just how much work will it take to jump over those hurdles.
THINGS CAN GET WORSE BEFORE THEY GET BETTER, WHY?
One thing I’ve observed is that when releasing a pattern, things can get worse for awhile before better. Thats good news though, because it means the situation is beginning to move. This is a sign of the process working.
For instance, you may be making change but all of a sudden, you notice resistance begins to happen within your current relationships. Things may become up-ended for you because others don’t know what to expect as you change. You are no longer predictable. Their fears may surface because people begin to think they can’t control you. They are uncomfortable not knowing how to peg you into their ways of dealing with you and how they perceive your relationship. This occurs as you shed your belief systems and begin to go in another direction on your own.
At some point you may ask yourself why do you stay in that relationship? You may be required to see if you are willing to let go of that uncomfortable relationship and all that it involves, in order to make the changes that you wish to experience.
ITS TIME FOR A COOL CHANGE
The question is though, can you live without the toxicity or the uncomfortable relationship? What would it look like to let go and enter into an unknown future? You would have to face the feelings that you are currently experiencing and welcome the new feelings that may surface. Different can feel uncomfortable for awhile, but change only occurs outside of your comfort zone. Otherwise you just stagnate and continue to experience what you want less of in your life.
RELEASING THE OLD NEEDS FOR TOXICITY
For example, in a toxic relationship, it may require releasing the need to be criticized, because its all you have ever known in that relationship. You have learned to cope with this situation as a survival mechanism. You may be used to always living in survival mode and it may be uncomfortable to go from coasting to creating a new you and thriving. It may require changing your perceptions. You do deserve better things or situations than what you are currently experiencing and not wanting more of.
Let’s talk about your past ways of dealing with the uncomfortable feelings that come from being in a toxic relationship. You may have found ways to cope and survive, and have created smoke screens, feeling “at home” with toxicity. This affected your behaviour.
PEOPLE PLEASING SMOKE SCREENS
One way you may have created a smoke screen is by people pleasing. This was a way you coped and got by, so to be able to deal with living in the environment that was thrust upon you. You even may have established a triangle within a co-dependent relationship of perpetrator, victim and rescuer.
At some point, you may recognize this pattern and wish to let go of that smoke screen. Well, that requires taking that smile off your face and quit trying to hide the raw feelings that you hide, so that you aren’t criticized (for example). At some point you don’t even care if you are criticized, because you realize there is something more underhanded at play that needs your attention in order to change. You have become aware that you have been placing too much stock in other peoples needs and deeming them more important than your own.
Change requires confronting your reality and deciding if you have been instrumental in creating the discomfort that you have been experiencing. By this I mean, perhaps you have been holding onto patterns that affirm your current belief systems.
WHOSE BELIEFS ARE THESE ANYWAY?
As your beliefs change, you begin to examine if they ever were your own. Then you become aware that you have created that continuing experience, by adopting other peoples beliefs – as if they were our own.
You realize the need to be criticized just falls off, as these things no longer attract you. And so, you can let go of the people pleasing. You let go of that need to feel “right” so you can feel “enough”. You let go of the need to be “enough” in other peoples eyes, because you are tired of the same old and want something that feels better, and suits you better. Your mindset shifts as you start caring more about what you believe (internal frame of reference) instead of others (external frame of reference).
This movement in you life, comes about because the fundamentals and principles that you have been living by, have evolved. As you confront and examine who you are and who you aren’t, you begin to release the need to think in the old ways anymore.
AWARENESS PRECEDES RELEASING THE OLD
In order to release, you have to become aware of what you are releasing. That then requires confronting and examining your frame of reference. This is composed of your values, beliefs, morals and ethics, principles. You will wonder if your inner mental state has kept you all this time, resistant to change.
THE MESSY MIDDLE
When you confront the tension of the messy middle between where you are currently, and where you want to go, clarity strikes you as to who you are, and who you aren’t. Then, the next step becomes apparent and you establish a need for change as a necessary need.
That results in an inner conflict and tension as you ask yourself “now what”? Thats when confusion may result as you explore all the endless favourable possibilities in life. At some point, something clicks, and there’s an “Ah Ha” moment or realization.
Finally clarity is reached. The urge to move towards what you really want, becomes an instrument in releasing what you no longer want to experience.
NATURALLY FEELING COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE
As you understand more about yourself, you move in that new direction naturally because it “fits” with who you really are inside. You begin to feel more “comfortable in your own skin” and “think in your own head”. You no longer dance around other peoples agendas and opinions and you pay attention to the novel thoughts in your mind, as being more relevant.
Now, this doesn’t just happen over night. It all takes a bit of time to work out, but be persistent to give yourself a little time each day to think about all your new thoughts and feelings. Reflect on the process of change through the messy middle. Think about your potential for new opportunities that come your way.
OPENING YOUR MIND AND CONNECTING WITH YOUR INNER INTELLIGENCE
You are beginning to open your mind, and the answers will come. The intelligence inside you is the same intelligence that created the world as we know it. The people on earth have become progressive and enjoy a life with technology, advanced medicine, and evolution towards a greater consciousness. Trust your inner guidance to reveal to you what you need to know.
You are the only one who knows you the most complete. You alone have experienced every little circumstance, every little conversation and words you have spoke or thought. Only you knows what its like to be you. So its more relevant that you decide what suits you in life and makes your life feel significant and meaningful, more complete. After all, whose life is this anyways?
CONFRONTING AND EXAMINING THE MESSY MIDDLE
So, getting through the messy middle requires confronting the situation at hand, the patterns and beliefs and facing the feelings and emotions that go along with them. It also requires examining currently what you are experiencing, why and what you would prefer to experience. When you examine your thought patterns and mental habits that have been holding you back from changing, you naturally feel compelled to yourself to be more accountable and responsible for your own well-being. Then a willingness and readiness to change flows with ease.
You can release the tension of the messy middle as it has been struggling to seek resolution to your problems. You can release the energy that has been pent up in your body and mind.
And best of all, you can embrace the new you. Change takes work but most of all, it takes getting into action. You are responsible for your life and what you accept and what you don’t. You need to have a high regard for the essence of your life, respecting your personal dignity. This will require living in integrity with who you are inside, and your values and beliefs, morals, ethics and principles.
HERES WHERE YOU START
So here’s where you start. Work on understanding just what that frame of reference is, so that you know what direction to go and what seems to be flowing naturally. Move toward what feels just right for you. Now, go out there and be brilliant. Create the change that you wish to experience and dance in your dreams, but awake.